Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in alexzandriaebostic's LiveJournal:

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Friday, November 27th, 2009
12:28 pm	old habits die so hard and most of the time they never die, heros fade but legions never die. oh dear salvation. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 15th, 2009
6:30 pm	old poetry from 8th grade I've said my good-byes to you and I am certain I can't turn around. What if I do and I run to you but you start laughing at me, too? I can flip my hat and convince myself to believe my lies, while I drink my lemonade with tears streaming from my eyes. I dance with sadness, with feilds of fairies, they call my name; brief. what a momentary pain for such a long life to live. Green smoke and I can barely breath with you. Reveal what is important to me. A letter was written from me to you. Value what you have, for me. If I should go, i hope to see you. Follow me home and yell at me, about the weight of the world. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 14th, 2009
4:03 pm	if i posted weird pictures that i didnt take of in-d stupid things, would i be in-d? and just filled my livejournal with useless things like that? am i indie now.\,,, (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
2:56 pm	everytime i think about you holding her hand. kissing her. fucking her. telling her you like her. i want to puke. telling her all your jokes. making her laugh, making her happy. cuddling with her. i want to hit her in the face. and so forth. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 2nd, 2009
2:17 pm	and the pit of hell is open AND MRS. TIMMONS EATS YOUR FACE! RYAN REOPEN THE GATE. ^^ (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 30th, 2009
10:44 am	gasping between kisses oh god, and i just laughed so i smiled and laughed some more, at a friend's misfourtune. who i used to adore. oh, these simple pleasures (Comment on this)
Monday, October 26th, 2009
11:12 am	drop it on your single celled organism I wrote something really strange and I don't particullary like it. flickering lights, the colour of our friendship is slightly becoming dimmer. the more you know Amelia, the darker the sky gets. I have skipped and fell, singing 'ring around the rosie..' All those pockets full of posies, I don't run off the edge unless you are going first. I'm like a goat and I follow the crowd. Blindly running, because I have no thoughts. Stealing emotions and paradoxing dreams, making them my own. I am your worst involvment. People wonder what I think. People try to understand how I think. Morbid, pessmistic, apathetic, all of the above is quite clear. Get close to Allison and your toys will come to life. I run through a 6 year old's lies. Everything is okay and I will turn out fine. bang.skip this part of the story. mess up the tape, the pictures, your perception. You're ripping out the seams, not everything is how it seems, If you think that you are ignorant, or I am simply arrogant. ----------------- Did I get cake mix on my sweater? Or did you just get corn on your combat boots? Fuck with me, and we will set you free. Hapiness is lust and lust is a protected state of mind. The push, the rush, the overall simply rejuavanting lust. I'm not desperate, I'm just addicted to the touch. so why don't I just drop life on your single celled organism, so i can show you happiness, one rushed line at a time. I can show you happiness, in a couple of hours. Fuck with me, and I will set you free. Happiness is lust and lust is a protected state of mind. Most of that came from bits of conversation I have had in the past 3 days. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 25th, 2009
6:32 pm	In hi-def ultra-realism waiting is so hard to do. I am finally moving into my new house this friday. i control you. i control you. i control you. i control you. i control you. i control you. i am the voice inside your head i am the lover in your bed i am the sex that you provide i am the hate you try to hide i have found a new love for a couple of bands. NIN, Passion Pit, and some Pink Floyd to name a few. Is it going to be weird when someone else lives in my house? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
3:44 pm	i'm not happy and you know that. again, you are fucking with my emotion, the apathy in my walk. how my eyes gaze into your unfound devotion. what you have is chronic depression. that's what they all say. even if they cannot see the horror i feel, there are buildings in the way. again, you are fucking with my hearing, tiny girls, laughter, rust, old men, they are all screaming. allison, amelia, asa, and isiah, oh if you could just let me be. i bet i could be happy then, i could silently drink my tea. again, you are fucking with my confusion, deluding my delusions. killing me slowly with your bloody hands, running smoothly over my skin. dripping in that ribbon like way, down my perfect complexion, running off my chin. and when it hits the floor, i am completely alone. and you can't seperate my reality from my violent hallucination. and you would never understand the things i've seen and i've known. and oh god, you are the one for me and my elucidation. (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 17th, 2009
4:04 pm	have you ever though that maybe god doesn't like you? i have been pretty happy lately, or maybe I'm mistaking happiness for lack of apathy. either way i am fucked later. when you reach the bottom of deppression, you should stay there. a constant suffering is better than the rise and fall of moods. ecstatic, okay, angry, alright, down, deppressed. trapped on a turn table of solid emotions. god talks to you. god doesn't talk to you, that is your conscious. because god hates me. i switch subjects so easily and in person i never know how to speak. people think i am smart and deep. when i am an utter idiot, espeically when you try to talk to me in person. i mentally stutter, twitch, violently shake. i get nervous. i try. i am getting steel-toed combat boots soon. sweet. what comes next. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 11th, 2009
1:09 pm	cool. my weekend was a straight blur. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
9:42 pm	We all must learn. For the longest time I have been trying to be the person that i see myself being in the future. That i want to be in the future. This strong indivual with a well devolped sense of opinion. I am not that. I may have different views than the majority of people but in no way is it a sojlidary thought or idea. I do not have my own ideas, even if i'd like to believe that. I can sit down and reword the ideas of others all i want but that doesn't give me the right to call them mine. I am not a beautiful unique person and i don't think i ever will be until i learn the in and outs of freedom. I am afraid that i will get so lost in the hype of freedom that i will forget my responabilities. That i will lose that balance. Fear is a common emotion and we must learn to greet it with a smile. I do agree. I look at my older friends and they are who i look up to for guidance in the corrupt society that i was born into because they went through what i am going through, faced the fear, and some of them are still fighting. I want to be a leader. I want to have some purpose in life other than going to work and earning money to buy shit i don't need. I want to be a beautiful person with unique ideas. I want to change myself and the world that surronds me in a positive fashion. You cannot get to know me. How can you know me if i don't know myself? I know the future me. That is a fragile idea. My future is changing right as i am typing this. The 18 wheeler bus that trapped me in the intersection. That trapped me in a writer's hell, the blocking bog of mediocracy is being cleared. The fire is starting to burn. Being greatly inspired to write by the people in my life along with well known and respected authors and philosophers. I know my purpose in life and that is to write. Nothing will get in the way of that, not even an 18 wheeler carrying the very pit of poverity in it's bowels. I am a starving artist, i am starving for inspiration. For new knowledge. For intellectual stimulation. I am a starving artist doing my craft. Spinning a web of eleborate stories and fables. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 4th, 2009
10:27 pm	DECIMATE THE WEAK  I WAS SENT FROM HELL. Winds of Plague will be here on December 10th with Stick to Your Guns! fuck yes! i am going with spencer and kramer, apparently. (Comment on this)
1:49 pm	owls are our futures dear, our futures are in owls... lets go to the woods i've had my license for a week now. it's a very free feeling. i can't write. what so ever. it's like an 18 wheeler blew up infront of my car and the huge metal skeleton hasn't been moved from my path. more and more of my time is being spent in salt water. it feels good. ha, once i get my own car, i'm going to get one of those "salt life" stickers. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 2nd, 2009
8:00 pm	we didn't ask for you, we sure as fuck dont need you you make me sick, you make me want to fucking vomit. a good friend once said to me:     look at the filth covering our streets     why havent you fixed it yet, arent you going to     have you forgotten what we are, have you forgotten your destiny     you were made for this, nothing more     we will destory history.     erase it     its not your place to love, not your place to hope, not your place to fix the guilty     save the innocent, burn this guilty world of sin and corruption     its my place to hate, destory hope, and cause the guilty more guilt     the only true innocents left are those yet to be born     Rise up, stop hiding from me, stop hiding from this, realize your destiny, and as the smoke clears, those we permit to live will hail you as the truth     the coming of a new age, you will force the world to stay the same, change the universe by changing mankind, dont let them move faster than you have permitted     you only become important when you cease to live     how do you know?     importance is hidden, you dont gain it by dying, you dont gain it by living     you take iyt     no-one will give you power, no one can give you passion     You must take, and destroy all who challenge your right to it     Remember, soon the day will come when it will be time to act, and either you stand behind me, or your in my way     dont mistake mercy and weakness, while mercy is neccesary, it is only to an extent... follow me and the world will bow to us  sadly soon I will return to sleep, for the time is not yet mine, but perhaps when the time comes you'll follow, perhaps you'll even come to understand, though none but I know for now you still have much to learn my dear, but perhaps you'll learn before it comes time, when time is I have no idea, and your loyalty must become unquestioning, as the others had.  I must regain that soon, as his has faded over time, and the other must be made to fear before his soul is mine (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 27th, 2009
10:38 am	happy birthday micah and everyone else who has the same birthday as us. i got a typewriter and dinner with kaleb, i am happy. we went to new yorker deli, and i was happy. i test for my license on tuesday. and im getting a laptop. okay. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 18th, 2009
7:04 pm	:P i like to play basketball instead and break purple crayons with megan (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 17th, 2009
9:32 pm	megan equals badass photographer. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
4:45 pm	i can't believe it. TC, gone. Kody, in a damn coma. I couldn't comphrehend that information monday, and still can't a week later. I really pray to whoever is out there that Kody makes it out alright. unharmed. and i hope that micah, chris, and whoever else is close to him is doing okay. he will be okay. The Hollow Men by T.S. Elliot is fitting my mood, read it if you have a soul. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 31st, 2009
6:04 pm	i dont play funny games. the games i play are violent and gay always polite and always pleasing. freaking out when your nose starts bleeding. taste the blood running down your fac. take a trip with your iron. pennies coating your fantasy. dont interupt, i am busy. school is going great. (Comment on this)